My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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