I think my fart just growled at me.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
