in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
