Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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