Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
