ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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