remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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