The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
