How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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