I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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