So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
