where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
