dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize