My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
