Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
