as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
