Fine. I'll sleep in my office
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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