She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
