38 yer olds are good kisserssss
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
We are all done wearing pants today
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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