C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
