We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
