it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
