is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
