The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
