awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
