I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
