I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
