Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
