The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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