yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
