god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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