I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
