help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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