im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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