Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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