The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
