Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
