Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
