Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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