so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
