I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
