john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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