Whatcha textin bout Willis?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize