I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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