Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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