Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
