you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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