i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
