i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
