He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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