were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
