he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Dear god my vagina.
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