he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
