Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
