You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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