Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
