You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
No subtext here. People are naked.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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