Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Tell her she can't have a vagina
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
